I’m not super mom

I’m not super woman. Or super mom. I’m just me. I struggle a lot to stay above water - constantly fighting. Sometimes fighting the urge to throw in the towel and grab the kids and run away. 

Coming home from the hospital to a house that had been cleaned by children for the last month, to work piled up, projects and repairs screaming to be finished, hit hard. Like knock the wind out of me hard. I am blessed that a friend set up meals for us, so meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking is off my plate for the next few days. I’m still overwhelmed. 

I can take it a project at a time, day at a time. That’s hard for me - I like to see things and how they fit in the big picture. We’re slowly crawling through the mess, even as the messes get bigger because the dishwasher floods the kitchen, and the washing machine it trying to die on me again (a bearing that I have, but is a whole day repair). It feels like I will never catch up, let alone get ahead. 

These are the times that it is hardest to be a single parent household I think. I have some amazing friends that help when they can, but they have their own crap too. Sharing not just the physical and financial load of running a house, but the emotional load that comes with figuring it all out, is a huge thing that you don’t really realize until you’re there. Knowing that you’re not doing it alone. One day - I may have that. Until then, step by step, cleaning up the messes and addressing the issues that come up in between steps. Loving my babies the way they were meant to be loved. Even (especially) if they fall asleep on the pile of laundry I’m trying to put away.